How Parents Can Help Their Kids Overcome SHYNESS

If your little one always seems to be standing apart from their classmates it may be a sign that they need your help. All parents want their kids to be happy and popular, so if your child finds it difficult to make friends, what can you do?

Parents worry that intervening might put pressure on their child, but that doing nothing will make the situation worse. Some children have more difficulty in social situations than others. While some lack confidence and feel too shy to approach their peers to start games, other children have difficulty with social skills and don’t know what to do in certain situations.

If your child doesn’t have many friends, it’s important to talk to them. It is equally important parents to talk to their child’s teacher to see if they have noticed any difficulties.

Although the problem is often simply shyness, classmates may think that your child is being unfriendly. Shy children are often mistakenly perceived by others as being aloof and stand-offish. Often children who are happiest are those with a good circle of friends. Friendships are important in terms of your child’s adjustment and emotional development.

How to help

First, make sure there actually is a problem. Some children are more comfortable having just one or two friends and it might be you who wants them to have lots of pals. Some children might prefer to sit on the sidelines and watch others. If they’re happy, try not to worry about it too much.

Check their hearing. Even a slight hearing problem can affect your child’s ability to interact. In addition, around one in 10 children has speech or language difficulties, which can also hold them back when making friends.

Ask your child what is worrying them. If they’re concerned that another child will laugh or be mean to them if they try to make friends, ask if that’s really going to happen. Help challenge their negative thoughts.

Many shy children are drawn to make friends with another shy child, which is fine, but also encourage them to make friends with a child who’s a little more confident and has some skills they can learn from. Encourage them to take the lead when you’re playing games with them at home, perhaps by explaining the rules to you. That will encourage them to take the lead with other children.

Invite a child in your son or daughter’s class to play. Try to find a child with similar interests as it will give them common ground and help them to play together. While your child plays with another child, provide a kind of commentary and talk about the good things they’re doing as a way of reinforcing good behaviour.

If the children are playing well together say, ‘I love the way you two help each other out,’. It will encourage the child to behave that way again.

Once your child is happy with playing with one other child, the next step is to invite a small group of children to play at your house, or for your child to play at someone else’s house. Praise your child if they are making progress, but don’t go over the top. A smile or a wink is often enough.

If your child has significant social problems that affect their everyday life, then you may consider professional help.

BANISH THEIR FEAR OF PARTIES

While most children adore birthday parties, if your little one doesn’t have any friends it can be a terrible ordeal. And with many primary school kids inviting the whole class to their birthday parties, there could be one almost every weekend.

But letting your child avoid them won’t help in the long-term as they’ll never realise that parties aren’t as scary as they thought. Talk to your child about what you can do to make parties easier for them. Perhaps you could stay at the party with them, or wait until they are paired off with another child. If they have one particular friend, call the child’s mother and suggest they go together.

ADVICE FOR LONELY TEENAGERS

Older kids might be surprisingly willing to co-operate if you bring the subject up with them. On one hand they can just refuse to do things but on the other they might be more motivated to overcome it because they realise they have to do something about it.

Ask your teenager what’s stopping them from making friends. Some might not be sure what to talk about with their peers, so brainstorm ideas with them, such as what they watch on TV.

Remind them of times when they did really well in social situations.

Encourage them to take up an activity that interests them – it will help them meet others with the same interests. Team sports such as football are good, as they don’t have to talk much, which can stop them feeling awkward. It’s also a good way to meet people with shared interests, and teams are good for bonding.

If your teenager isn’t sporty, there are plenty of other ways they can meet like-minded people in a group situation such as a chess or computer club.